More than one.

I actually have more than one blog. This happened during the days when everyone was going on a blog frenzy and I was just reminded about my other blogs when i signed into blogger using my gmail account. Apparently this one is with my hotmail account, now i do not know what to do. FAIL.

ANYWAY, thanks Diana for commenting. You've definitely motivated me to blog more often. :D

Trying to not seem conceited but I'm in the papers again. *tee hee hee*

Najwa Amira Ahmad Zaidee is all packed for her Raya vacation.

For Najwa Amira Ahmad Zaidee, 20, and her family (including her extended family), the first week of Raya will be spent in Krabi, Thailand. “We have these family vacations every year. In 2009, we were in Bali. It’s a long running tradition in my family,” says the bubbly law student who lives in Petaling Jaya.

Courtesy of theStar. Tried looking for the Tabula Rasa one online but can't find it. oh well. heh.heh.heh.

Okay enough with the ego feeding.

I wear black a lot don't I? But then again you can't blame me, black is slimming.... Mom's complained so many times "Najwa, why are you always in black?? You have so many pretty colourful clothes!"

Ah well...whatcha gonna do eh?

2010

The last time I updated this blog was when i first started college at help. First week of "adult hood". No more school uniforms, no more set 8-3 classes, no more sitting in just one class for 8 hours. This was college.Now 2 years later, I'm in university, doing law. Most of my high school friends are either in or leaving in a few weeks for university overseas...and i'm still here. It's not a big deal though, gives me motivation to study so I get good enough grades to go to UK next year. Thats the next phase of my life....UK.

Funny how my writing seemed more mature back then when I first started this blog. I was 16 years old. In a few months I'll be 20 and my teenage years would be behind me.

I honestly believe that my English has deteriorated as I grow older. Odd isn't it? The people you mix with really do influence you. Consciously and subconsciously. Sometimes they do have a positive effect on you but sometimes.....its to your detriment. But friends are friends, I would not be the me I am today without them. I must say I'm somewhat content with "me".

I have to stop using the word "I". Sounds very self-centered. It's as though I have nothing to talk about, and there I go again.

ANYWAY, I realised that this blog serves as a diary, words that describes my life at the time I'm writing the blog post.

So how do I sum up the past 2 years? KDU - OBU twinning has been amazing. The first day wasn't that great as i completely missed orientation week hence ended up not knowing anyone. But after awhile it got better :)

I realised I've made really good friends. You guys know who you are. :)

Of course there are those whom I miss dearly... my high school mates and also help mates... Again, without you guys, dont know where I'll be. :)

So much has happened these past 2 years, but the one thing that I'd like to always remember [off the top of my head right now anyway] is the University Scholars Leadership Symposium. ;) ah sweet sweet Melaka.

thats all for now.

much love. from ramadhan 2010.

is it back?

So i haven't been blogging a while. Kind of didnt feel like doing so, don't know why. :p

I have to admit that college life is and isn't all that its wrapped up to be. I have kind of somewhat developed a love hate relationship with it i suppose. I love college because of the abundant amount of freedom i have. Well fine, not abundant but it sure as hell is more than what i had in high school (obviously).

It's also nice because if i were to skip classes, who would know? The lecturers don't really care much, you can go anywhere you want, and if you skip classes and decide to drive to PD or something during class times, your parents won't know. Restriction is a definite scarcity when compared to high school.

But why I hate...hang on, hate is too strong a word. Why i'm not fully excited and happy and totally in love with it is because I find that "me" time is also a scarcity. See, back in high school, i can actually just stay in the toilet for ten minutes during class or even walk out to the balcony/window place and sit there and stare off into space and no one was going to come in and disturb me and bombard me with questions on whether im okay or not and so on. But in college however, I can't seem to get away. Have some alone time. Not that i don't like being with my friends and all but sometimes you just have to have that you know? I suppose i wouldn't be minding it as much if i get to have "alone" time at home but that i don't have either. Oh well.....

So apart from that. College admittedly has been a blast and also extremely money sucking.
Jarrod and Rawlins, Fig Tree, Starbucks. Those are the expensive places of course... sigh. Unfortunately the mamaks are at the main block.

ANYWAY, its all good i suppose. This however is based on just one month experience of COLLEGE.

did i mention i got into an accident? ;p

It's my birthday.... so why am i not feeling particularly celebratory.... it feels as though i'm going through a quarter life crisis which does not allow me to enjoy this particular day.

why should we celebrate the supposed day we were born anyway? we were born and thats that. 

Each year that passes is as though telling you that another year went by without you doing anything that "memanfaatkan" your life. seriously.

its just another day... if it's like that to everyone else why should it be different to you..

just another day 

WHAT THE HELL IS IT HUH?!

what is it that bothers me most?

is it spm?

is it the amount coffee i've been consuming?

WHAT!??

FUCK ALL THIS FUCKING ANXIETY

screw all the tears
just screw it....

i've had enough..please just let me go

i've had enough i've had enough i've had enough i've had enough i've had enough i've had enough........
please

Run.
all i want to do is run.
run while i still can.
run from everything that has happened
run from the memories
run from my sins
run from the pain, pain that i feel and the pain that i've caused.
run from my thoughts
run from my feelings
run to the place where i can be blisfully ignorant.

run.
help me run.
help me runaway.

back

I realise that i only blog well when i'm not feeling happy or content or anything of the sort.

Sick Repetitive Cycle of my Sick love life.

Freaking karma is getting on my nerves. How do you break a cycle?

A cycle which inlcudes love,feelings,pain,karma.
how? please someone tell me how!?

I need to stop this before it pushes me over the edge. I need to stop this before i succumb to doing something stupid.

we all hate to break hearts and have our hearts broken.
But just imagine what its like to know WHO's heart you are going to break and who is going to break your heart.

isn't it just sick? Terrible! Revolting.

help.

i don't want to hurt you.
but i'm afraid i will.
i don't want to lose you as a confidant..
but i'm afraid i will.

i've already lost one confidant.
and that shattered me.
i dont think i can go through that again..

but it seems inevitable now.