so once again i go back to the old ways of the najwa. writing poems. putting down all my emotions on paper... everything i feel... and what i seem to be feeling lately is just pain. hurt. frustration. anger. sadness. for all i know i could be spiraling down the road to depression... but then again maybe not... those green pills sure seem tempting... and what more the cancer stick. oh how ive been wanting one... just one whole stick.... it should suffice shouldnt it? i wouldnt get addicted.. i cant! i'll be a hypocrite..... but no.. i havent taken any... not even one.
i can't quite seem to understand or figure out exactly what it is im going through. exactly what it is that is wrong with me. i. do. not. know.
no clue. i dont think i'll ever know... it could be nothing but then again it could be everything all summed up into one big ball of tangled emotions all on full blast. my brain cant take it anymore..my heart... my body... my mind.... enough is enough!
but it wouldn't stop... day by day i feel weaker and weaker..... i can no longer hide what is inside me... i can no longer hide what i feel... my emotions are showing but i dont want them to... my facade is melting.... it shouldnt! it cant!
i musn't allow it but what can i do? how can i prevent it? i seem to want to be nothing more than a couch potato... everything is in black white and grey... technicolour is something i no longer see... something i no longer appreciate.
beautiful sunsets no longer enthralls me... beauty.... beauty... gone.
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